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| Credit: The Big Three KCOU and Ben Florance. |
I love music.
Foster Region (Round of 64) - Reid's bracket is everything you would expect from him. Some of the best songs and some of the absolute worst songs in the tournament. Some of the matchups are odd and the Round of 64 is largely cut-and-dry. It's also one I would consider very realistic in terms of similarity to the NCAA tournament.
(1) Biz Markie - Just A Friend 101
(16) Elliot Yamin - Wait For You 65
-While "Wait For You" possesses a familiar piano hook and Yamin's smooth voice, it's a song that two people are not going to consciously choose over "Just A Friend." Markie is responsible for the ultimate friend zone jam. Anyone can relate this song to someone they know and you don't get that from Yamin's coffee shop jam. That's why Biz runs Elliot out of the gym.
(8) Semisonic - Closing Time 90
(9) Autograph - Turn Up The Radio 41
-Glam metal doesn't suck. If you asked my cousin, Desirae, she would tell you that it was the biggest abomination in music. No Limit Soldiers would ransack her apartment to defend their honor and title as the worst. It would be a mess. That being said, Bel Biv Devoe's "Poison" and Montell Jordan's "This Is How We Do It" are two more appropriate songs to place in the nine slot. While "Turn Up The Radio" isn't the worst song in the tournament, It's overrated. Combine that with a tough draw like "Closing Time," and Autograph had no chance. Semisonic closed out early in this one and moves on to the round of 32.
(5) The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star 58
(12) Los Lonely Boys - Heaven 62
-The Buggles were the early favorite, but were aware the the Los Lonely Boys won a tough Mountain West Conference. They took the lead early and played a good game. Then, when all was lost, 'Boys' star player and guitarist Henry Garza went down with an injury. The Boys rallied from a twelve point deficit to shock The Buggles. However, New Wave is far from dead in this tournament.
M.W. - On a personal note, I'm a fan of the The Presidents of the United States of America did with this song.
(4) Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock - It Takes Two 71
(13) Len - Steal My Sunshine 62
-Len came into this tournament like last year's Ohio team. A trendy 13 seed that drew a shaky four. Len played Base & Rock well for most of the matchup. One key note is that Biz Markie makes an appearance on Len's "You Can't Stop The Bum Rush." Then a fatal blow was dealt to Len. Steve was much more familiar with "It Takes Two." If you haven't listened to "Steal My Sunshine," you wouldn't know that it is a song that has to grow on you. Goldberg was more fond of a second listen during the coming offseason. For this contest, "It Takes Two" hit their free throws and came out with a nine point victory over a fiesty Len. The fringe jock jam moves on.
(6) Lipps Inc. - Funkytown 80
(11) Darude - Sandstorm 85
-Strong six and a strong 11. Sadly, Steve and I didn't have to talk about it talk about it talk about talk about it. Anyone who's been to a South Carolina Gamecocks home football game will agree. Still, it's close. Malcolm In The Middle fans will still hate me for this one. It's tough watching a guy (Bryan Cranston, in this instance) roller skate and sell meth on two different shows in the span of ten years. Darude pulls out a tough, yet decisive win.
(3) Harry Chapin - Cats in the Cradle 68
(14) Ram Jam - Black Betty 74
-"Cats in the Cradle" is an amazing song. It doesn't top "Black Betty" because it just doesn't. Not in a tournament of one-hit wonders. If we're talking musical talent, it's Chapin. If we're talking about emotions invoked, it's Chapin. In a tournament where arena jams and cheesiness are king, It's "Black Betty." That doesn't mean there's room for a song like "Cats in the Cradle" to do damage in this tournament. It just means that Black Betty is a nightmare draw for a three seed.
(7) Gerardo - Rico Suave 39
(10) Manfred Mann - Blinded By The Light 65
-"Rico Suave" is the only song in this region that I would possibly consider worse than "Turn Up The Radio." It's not bad in a fun way either. It just sucks. I've addressed "Blinded With The Light" in my notes earlier. It's a solid song that might surprise a few folks. It also brings up the legitimacy of cover songs in this bracket. The matchup isn't even close. Manfred Mann wins this one on his stage name alone.
(2) Carl Douglas - Kung Fu Fighting 56
(15) Jim Jones - We Fly High 57
-AND LE FLY HIGH HAS KNOCKED OFF THE SONG ABOUT PUTTING UP YOUR DUKES. Anybody who's my age will remember that awkward period time in Junior High where everyone did the "Ballin'" hand gesture, which resembled the follow through of a fadeaway jump shot (or more accurately, a child with cerebral palsy raising his hand). "We Fly High" wins this contest on generational relevance. KCOU is college radio. Jim Jones fittingly hits a fadeaway at the buzzer for the upset.
Florance Region (Round of 64) - At first glance, this is the bracket to be in if you're a tournament favorite. It's not deep. Apologies to Ben. Go Hoyas!
(1) Los del Rio - Macarena 98
(16) Michael Franti & Spearhead - Say Hey (I Love You) 59
-The verses of Macrena sound like three of the Acacia guys brought their girlfriends to Eastside on Thursday night and they all decided it would be cute to sing a song together. And although my money says Krista Karg has bars, this is still awful to imagine. "Say Hey" is a solid choice for the tournament, but the what the Macarena lacks in verses, it makes up for in amazing chorus and a dance to boot. That's enough to wax the feel good commercial jam.
M.W. - Personal note: It okay to consider Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (Crank That), Carly Rae Jepsen (Call Me Maybe) and/or Psy (Gagnam Style) one hit wonders yet? What about The Calling (Wherever You Will Go)?
(8) Europe - The Final Countdown 86
(9) Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry Be Happy 63
-While this isn't exactly an automatic game, "The Final Countdown" is just epic where "Don't Worry Be Happy" is a song that I would fully expect people to think was by Bob Marley and I've also heard sung by a mechanical talking bass. Next.
(5) Tommy Tutone - Jenny (867-5309) 97
(12) Carl Carlton - She's a Bad Mama Jama 69
-This isn't a slight to Carl Carlton. She's a Bad Mama Jama is a good song with fresh beats. Jenny is the essence of this tournament. Shout out to whoever has tried dialing their local 867-5309 phone number. And while you could have put "Brick House" by Commodores in this 12 slot and nobody would have batted an eyelash, someone would point out that the 'Dores won a Grammy in 1986 for the song "Nightshift." I digress, Jenny. No contest.
(4) Devo - Whip It 73
(13) Gary Numan - Cars 76
-This was a close contest and one of the true "toss-ups" of the first round. It's honestly a matchup that comes down to preference and Steve and I preferred "Cars." Numan also sings lead vocals on the Fear Factory cover of "Cars."
(6) Marky Mark and the Funky Buch - Good Vibrations 56
(11) Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch 61
-Wahlberg and Funky Co. is a deserving six seed that loses this one mainly because this bracket is being conducted in 2013 and not 2003. The over the top cheesiness of "Good Vibrations" and future star power that is Mark Wahlberg can't top the toilet humor movement of the late 90's. I mean, the album "The Bad Touch" was on was called "Hooray For Boobies," for crying out loud. The single has two zebras doing it on the cover. This is a time where South Park picking up steam and Family Guy was in it's infancy. At least 30% of readers are just learning that Mark Wahlberg had a hit single and are thinking, "HOLY SHIT, I MUST LOOK THIS UP OMGZZZZZ." The Bloodhound Gang sniffs their way to a close upset.
M.W. Personal note: The legitimacy of Bloodhound Gang as a one-hit wonder is questionable. The Gang scored a hit on rock radio in 1997 with "Fire Water Burn."
(3) Don McLean - American Pie 79
(14) Free - All Right Now 54
-Free's an appropriate choice, but I will take this time to mention some snubs. Blackstreet (No Diggity), SR-71 (Right Now) and Lit (My Own Worst Enemy). Free, like most 14 seeds, drew a much tougher opponent. American Pie is an American classic and will move on to the round of 32.
(7) Survivor - Eye of the Tiger 81
(10) Afroman - Because I Got High 75
-What makes Ben's region more properly organized than Reid's is this matchup. I was pained to eliminate one of these songs in the first round and so was Steve. Steve put it best when he said, "I like other songs from Afroman better." Once in my kitchen, there was a singalong to Crazy Rap with about eight others. "Eye of the Tiger" prevails over Afroman's ode to choosing to smoke marijuana over performing cunnilingus for being that much better.
(2) Norman Greenbaum - Spirit in the Sky 80
(15) Daniel Powter - Bad Day 55
-Bad Day sucks. A guy named "Powter" would have a bad day. Because this is a personal blog, I have the liberty to call "Bad Day" a "whiny, bitch-ass" song. Spirit in the Sky is a retro guitar jam that caters to the Papa Goldbergs of the world. I can respect that. No contest.
Greever Region (Round of 64) - This bracket is flooded with weak song and pleasant surprises. Thanks for the shout out via the inclusion of "Mickey." Yes I am so fine and I blow your mind.
(1) Soft Cell - Tainted Love 84
(16) Metro Station - Shake It 47
-Remember the part of "Hey Ya" when Andre 3000 asks the crowd, "What's softer than being soft?" and the crowd chants "METRO STATION?" Well I do and that's why "Tainted Love" gets an easy win over the 16 seed.
(8) Nena - 99 Luftballons 56
(9) The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony 67
-"99 Luftballons" suffers from getting the toughest 9 seed in the tournament. "Bittersweet Symphony" wins with an infectiously nonchalant and steady beat that stays in your head for years. Save the Cold War argument, The Verve wins this matchup.
(5) The Vapors - Turning Japanese 75
(12) The Radicals - You Only Get What You Give 80
-In a rare example of substance triumphing over perversion, "You Only Get What You Give" was seen as a clear cut over tawdry masturbation anthem "Turning Japanese."
(4) Haddaway - What Is Love 85
(13) Buster Poindexter - Hot Hot Hot 59
-If you thought "What Is Love" was not worthy of a first round win, slap yourself. Then watch "A Night At The Roxbury."
(6) Toni Basil - Mickey 73
(11) Billy Ray Cyrus - Achy Breaky Heart 66
-"Mickey" gets the win over a fiesty 11 seed for two reasons. Steve was unfamiliar with Achy Breaky Heart and I wasn't bouncing a song with my name in it in the first round. It's guys like me.
(3) Grover Washington Jr. - Just The Two of Us 48
(14) Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars 50
-In a controversial decision, we went with "Chasing Cars." This was considered by both of us to be an all-around weak First Round matchup.
(7) Rednex - Cotton Eye Joe 79
(10) Fountain's of Wayne - Stacy's Mom 90
-Two males are making this list. No duh, we went with the ode to MILFs everywhere over the song that made girls instantly stop grinding you and commence line dancing back in High School.
(2) Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out 66
(15) Falco - Rock Me Amadeus 62
-This was a tough one. Then we remembered what Will Ferrell did with "Who Let The Dogs Out." It was all over.
THE JEFF PARLES REGION (ROUND OF 64) - YES, THIS DESERVES ALL CAPS. PARLES WAS ENDOWED WITH THE MOST WELL ORGANIZED REGION IN THE ENTIRE BRACKET. ENJOY.
(1) Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen 84
(16) The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name 59
-"That's Not My Name" wins the "Most Aggravating In Show" award. Therefore, they get curb stomped and Eileen moves on to Round Two.
(8) Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy 64
(9) Thomas Dolby - She Blinded Me With Science 65
-Razor thin margin between these two. "I'm Too Sexy" is possibly the greatest solo karaoke song of all time. But SCIENCE...
Randy Moller puts "She Blinded Me With Science" over the top.
(5) Tag Team - Whoomp There It Is 86
(12) Wild Cherry - Play That Funky Music 65
-Why this one was not even close can be explained in two words. Carson Cornelius.
(4) Chumbawumba - Tubthumping 78
(13) Deep Blue Something - Breakfast At Tiffany's 54
-Some decisions I need not explain. This is one of them.
(6) Sir-Mix-A-Lot - Baby Got Back 94
(11) Starland Vocal Band - Afternoon Delight 68
-"Afternoon Delight" made a great cameo in "Anchorman" and I would imagine that is the only thing that put them in this bracket. It doesn't beat the ass anthem to end all ass anthems. Not even close.
(3) Shop Boyz - Party Like A Rockstar 57
(14) Flobots - Handlebars 70
-I can't justify Shop Boyz being a 3 seed. I can't. Not with the genius in this region. That's weak. I'll give it to a smart "Handlebars" song that had a good video to boot.
(7) Marc Cohn - Walking In Memphis 79
(10) The Knack - My Sharona 84
-Tyler Greever called "Walking In Memphis" a "dark horse." Steve's mom went to High School with Marc Cohn. These two things weren't enough two knock off a song about rape. "My Sharona" is the safe bet here, because Lord knows it would be safe to walk in Memphis.
(2) Lou Bega - Mambo No. 5 68
(15) Eiffel 65 - Blue (Da Ba Dee) 69
-Where Jim Jones is Lehigh, Eiffel 65 is Norfolk State. I love, love, love Mambo No. 5. When Steve and I played these songs back to back, we were just feeling the infectious melody of "Blue." Two fifteens advance to the Round of 32.
ROUND OF 32
Foster Region
(1) Biz Markie - Just A Friend 82
(8) Semisonic - Closing Time 84
-Sometimes, it's just a matter of closing the deal. When you're in the friend zone, closing the deal is a foreign language. "Closing Time" gets the nod.
(12) Los Lonely Boys - Heaven 71
(4) Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock - It Takes Two 66
-Had I done this bracket alone, Len gets the nod in this game. Len didn't make it out of the first round, so The Los Lonely Boys are Los Caballo Nero.
(11) Darude - Sandstorm 63
(14) Ram Jame - Black Betty 86
-Did you seriously expect Sandstorm to make a deep run?
(10) Manfred Mann - Blinded By The Light 79
(15) Jim Jones - We Fly High 64
-Lehigh loses in the second round, because the 15 seed just can't stay hot. I'll take a classic cover over a song I could have sworn I've seen in a McDonald's commercial.
Florance Region
(1) Los del Rio - Macarena 71
(8) Europe - The Final Countdown 75
-This was a tough one. We went with "The Final Countdown" due to our love of arena jams. I can't blame you for going with either or.
(5) Tommy Tutone - Jenny 84
(13) Gary Numan - Cars 75
-This is a fair second round matchup. "Jenny" wins for having a personality that "Cars" just doesn't have.
(11) Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch 80
(3) Don McLean - American Pie 76
-This selection might receive some backlash. I make no apologies. It will take personality to make the Elite Eight. "The Bad Touch" has personality in spades as a straight faced delivery. The delivery keeps it from going over the top.
(7) Survivor - Eye of the Tiger 75
(2) Norman Greenbaum - Spirit In The Sky 61
-Again: Arena jams. In this case, it's not even close. It's the freaking eye of the tiger.
Greever Region
(1) Soft Cell - Tainted Love 85
(9) The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony 88
-This was actually a split decision. It was decided by a dice roll. "Bittersweet Symphony" was my choice and it's a victory for me because I personally would not have seeded all of this Classic Rock so high. I'll admit it's the presence of some of these songs, though, that makes this tournament well rounded.
(12) The Radicals - You Only Get What You Give 65
(4) Haddaway - What Is Love 63
-This one was a legitimate upset. The Radicals put out a catchy song and made an impressive run. What Is Love going down was Steve's call.
(6) Toni Basil - Mickey 94
(14) Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars 62
-This wasn't even a contest. "Chasing Cars" won arguably the all-around worst First Round matchup up and get blitzed in the Round of 32.
(10) Fountains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom 88
(2) Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out 79
-"Who Let The Dogs Out" was a very over the top song, so we gave this one to the MILF anthem.
Parles Region
(1) Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen 56
(9) Thomas Dolby - She Blinded Me With Science 54
-We almost gave this one to SCIENCE. But could you honestly have a tournament with no one seeds in the Sweet 16?
(5) Tag Team - Whoomp There It Is 68
(4) Chumbawumba - Tubthumping 69
-This is how highly I think of the Parles region. There is not a bad song in the Regional Quarterfinals. Each of the songs I have listed so far could easily have made the Sweet 16. Tubthumping wins on a buzzer beater and the anarchists storm the court.
SWEET SIXTEEN
Foster Semifinals
(8) Semisonic - Closing Time 73
(12) Los Lonely Boys - Heaven 64
-It's official, Reid got pinned with the weakest region. Closing Time wins by default.
(14) Ram Jam - Black Betty 68
(10) Manfred Mann - Blinded By The Light 56
-It's only fitting for "Black Betty" to be the dark horse. Manfred Mann did well with his cover. He has to go home now.
Florance Semifinals
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I love nostalgia.
I love my roommate.
When The Big Three and Ben Florance had half a mind to compose a bracket of 64 One Hit Wonders, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to fill it out.
Steve Goldberg joined me in making well-informed decisions on this bracket.
NOTES:
NOTES:
1. Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann is a cover of a Bruce Springteen song. The two men from New Jersey who crafted this bracket should know this.
2. Tyler Greever pointed out the snub of "Ice Ice Baby." Apparently, Vanilla Ice lost a Northeastern Conference crown to an upstart Snow Patrol.
3. No Artists were listed next to their song and as a result there were a couple educated guesses made. Big Three people, feel free to correct any incorrect artists.
4. M.W. - I was a little torn about the lack of a Jimmy Michaels region. Jimmy Michaels was replaced on The Big Three by Jeff Parles in 2012.
5. Disagreements after the first round were settled by rolling dice. The First Round saw us settle disputes by stating our respective case.
6. M.W. - I personally assigned final scores.
3. No Artists were listed next to their song and as a result there were a couple educated guesses made. Big Three people, feel free to correct any incorrect artists.
4. M.W. - I was a little torn about the lack of a Jimmy Michaels region. Jimmy Michaels was replaced on The Big Three by Jeff Parles in 2012.
5. Disagreements after the first round were settled by rolling dice. The First Round saw us settle disputes by stating our respective case.
6. M.W. - I personally assigned final scores.
Foster Region (Round of 64) - Reid's bracket is everything you would expect from him. Some of the best songs and some of the absolute worst songs in the tournament. Some of the matchups are odd and the Round of 64 is largely cut-and-dry. It's also one I would consider very realistic in terms of similarity to the NCAA tournament.
(1) Biz Markie - Just A Friend 101
(16) Elliot Yamin - Wait For You 65
-While "Wait For You" possesses a familiar piano hook and Yamin's smooth voice, it's a song that two people are not going to consciously choose over "Just A Friend." Markie is responsible for the ultimate friend zone jam. Anyone can relate this song to someone they know and you don't get that from Yamin's coffee shop jam. That's why Biz runs Elliot out of the gym.
(8) Semisonic - Closing Time 90
(9) Autograph - Turn Up The Radio 41
-Glam metal doesn't suck. If you asked my cousin, Desirae, she would tell you that it was the biggest abomination in music. No Limit Soldiers would ransack her apartment to defend their honor and title as the worst. It would be a mess. That being said, Bel Biv Devoe's "Poison" and Montell Jordan's "This Is How We Do It" are two more appropriate songs to place in the nine slot. While "Turn Up The Radio" isn't the worst song in the tournament, It's overrated. Combine that with a tough draw like "Closing Time," and Autograph had no chance. Semisonic closed out early in this one and moves on to the round of 32.
(5) The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star 58
(12) Los Lonely Boys - Heaven 62
-The Buggles were the early favorite, but were aware the the Los Lonely Boys won a tough Mountain West Conference. They took the lead early and played a good game. Then, when all was lost, 'Boys' star player and guitarist Henry Garza went down with an injury. The Boys rallied from a twelve point deficit to shock The Buggles. However, New Wave is far from dead in this tournament.
M.W. - On a personal note, I'm a fan of the The Presidents of the United States of America did with this song.
(4) Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock - It Takes Two 71
(13) Len - Steal My Sunshine 62
-Len came into this tournament like last year's Ohio team. A trendy 13 seed that drew a shaky four. Len played Base & Rock well for most of the matchup. One key note is that Biz Markie makes an appearance on Len's "You Can't Stop The Bum Rush." Then a fatal blow was dealt to Len. Steve was much more familiar with "It Takes Two." If you haven't listened to "Steal My Sunshine," you wouldn't know that it is a song that has to grow on you. Goldberg was more fond of a second listen during the coming offseason. For this contest, "It Takes Two" hit their free throws and came out with a nine point victory over a fiesty Len. The fringe jock jam moves on.
(6) Lipps Inc. - Funkytown 80
(11) Darude - Sandstorm 85
-Strong six and a strong 11. Sadly, Steve and I didn't have to talk about it talk about it talk about talk about it. Anyone who's been to a South Carolina Gamecocks home football game will agree. Still, it's close. Malcolm In The Middle fans will still hate me for this one. It's tough watching a guy (Bryan Cranston, in this instance) roller skate and sell meth on two different shows in the span of ten years. Darude pulls out a tough, yet decisive win.
(3) Harry Chapin - Cats in the Cradle 68
(14) Ram Jam - Black Betty 74
-"Cats in the Cradle" is an amazing song. It doesn't top "Black Betty" because it just doesn't. Not in a tournament of one-hit wonders. If we're talking musical talent, it's Chapin. If we're talking about emotions invoked, it's Chapin. In a tournament where arena jams and cheesiness are king, It's "Black Betty." That doesn't mean there's room for a song like "Cats in the Cradle" to do damage in this tournament. It just means that Black Betty is a nightmare draw for a three seed.
(7) Gerardo - Rico Suave 39
(10) Manfred Mann - Blinded By The Light 65
-"Rico Suave" is the only song in this region that I would possibly consider worse than "Turn Up The Radio." It's not bad in a fun way either. It just sucks. I've addressed "Blinded With The Light" in my notes earlier. It's a solid song that might surprise a few folks. It also brings up the legitimacy of cover songs in this bracket. The matchup isn't even close. Manfred Mann wins this one on his stage name alone.
(2) Carl Douglas - Kung Fu Fighting 56
(15) Jim Jones - We Fly High 57
-AND LE FLY HIGH HAS KNOCKED OFF THE SONG ABOUT PUTTING UP YOUR DUKES. Anybody who's my age will remember that awkward period time in Junior High where everyone did the "Ballin'" hand gesture, which resembled the follow through of a fadeaway jump shot (or more accurately, a child with cerebral palsy raising his hand). "We Fly High" wins this contest on generational relevance. KCOU is college radio. Jim Jones fittingly hits a fadeaway at the buzzer for the upset.
Florance Region (Round of 64) - At first glance, this is the bracket to be in if you're a tournament favorite. It's not deep. Apologies to Ben. Go Hoyas!
(1) Los del Rio - Macarena 98
(16) Michael Franti & Spearhead - Say Hey (I Love You) 59
-The verses of Macrena sound like three of the Acacia guys brought their girlfriends to Eastside on Thursday night and they all decided it would be cute to sing a song together. And although my money says Krista Karg has bars, this is still awful to imagine. "Say Hey" is a solid choice for the tournament, but the what the Macarena lacks in verses, it makes up for in amazing chorus and a dance to boot. That's enough to wax the feel good commercial jam.
M.W. - Personal note: It okay to consider Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (Crank That), Carly Rae Jepsen (Call Me Maybe) and/or Psy (Gagnam Style) one hit wonders yet? What about The Calling (Wherever You Will Go)?
(8) Europe - The Final Countdown 86
(9) Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry Be Happy 63
-While this isn't exactly an automatic game, "The Final Countdown" is just epic where "Don't Worry Be Happy" is a song that I would fully expect people to think was by Bob Marley and I've also heard sung by a mechanical talking bass. Next.
(5) Tommy Tutone - Jenny (867-5309) 97
(12) Carl Carlton - She's a Bad Mama Jama 69
-This isn't a slight to Carl Carlton. She's a Bad Mama Jama is a good song with fresh beats. Jenny is the essence of this tournament. Shout out to whoever has tried dialing their local 867-5309 phone number. And while you could have put "Brick House" by Commodores in this 12 slot and nobody would have batted an eyelash, someone would point out that the 'Dores won a Grammy in 1986 for the song "Nightshift." I digress, Jenny. No contest.
(4) Devo - Whip It 73
(13) Gary Numan - Cars 76
-This was a close contest and one of the true "toss-ups" of the first round. It's honestly a matchup that comes down to preference and Steve and I preferred "Cars." Numan also sings lead vocals on the Fear Factory cover of "Cars."
(6) Marky Mark and the Funky Buch - Good Vibrations 56
(11) Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch 61
-Wahlberg and Funky Co. is a deserving six seed that loses this one mainly because this bracket is being conducted in 2013 and not 2003. The over the top cheesiness of "Good Vibrations" and future star power that is Mark Wahlberg can't top the toilet humor movement of the late 90's. I mean, the album "The Bad Touch" was on was called "Hooray For Boobies," for crying out loud. The single has two zebras doing it on the cover. This is a time where South Park picking up steam and Family Guy was in it's infancy. At least 30% of readers are just learning that Mark Wahlberg had a hit single and are thinking, "HOLY SHIT, I MUST LOOK THIS UP OMGZZZZZ." The Bloodhound Gang sniffs their way to a close upset.
M.W. Personal note: The legitimacy of Bloodhound Gang as a one-hit wonder is questionable. The Gang scored a hit on rock radio in 1997 with "Fire Water Burn."
(3) Don McLean - American Pie 79
(14) Free - All Right Now 54
-Free's an appropriate choice, but I will take this time to mention some snubs. Blackstreet (No Diggity), SR-71 (Right Now) and Lit (My Own Worst Enemy). Free, like most 14 seeds, drew a much tougher opponent. American Pie is an American classic and will move on to the round of 32.
(7) Survivor - Eye of the Tiger 81
(10) Afroman - Because I Got High 75
-What makes Ben's region more properly organized than Reid's is this matchup. I was pained to eliminate one of these songs in the first round and so was Steve. Steve put it best when he said, "I like other songs from Afroman better." Once in my kitchen, there was a singalong to Crazy Rap with about eight others. "Eye of the Tiger" prevails over Afroman's ode to choosing to smoke marijuana over performing cunnilingus for being that much better.
(2) Norman Greenbaum - Spirit in the Sky 80
(15) Daniel Powter - Bad Day 55
-Bad Day sucks. A guy named "Powter" would have a bad day. Because this is a personal blog, I have the liberty to call "Bad Day" a "whiny, bitch-ass" song. Spirit in the Sky is a retro guitar jam that caters to the Papa Goldbergs of the world. I can respect that. No contest.
Greever Region (Round of 64) - This bracket is flooded with weak song and pleasant surprises. Thanks for the shout out via the inclusion of "Mickey." Yes I am so fine and I blow your mind.
(1) Soft Cell - Tainted Love 84
(16) Metro Station - Shake It 47
-Remember the part of "Hey Ya" when Andre 3000 asks the crowd, "What's softer than being soft?" and the crowd chants "METRO STATION?" Well I do and that's why "Tainted Love" gets an easy win over the 16 seed.
(8) Nena - 99 Luftballons 56
(9) The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony 67
-"99 Luftballons" suffers from getting the toughest 9 seed in the tournament. "Bittersweet Symphony" wins with an infectiously nonchalant and steady beat that stays in your head for years. Save the Cold War argument, The Verve wins this matchup.
(5) The Vapors - Turning Japanese 75
(12) The Radicals - You Only Get What You Give 80
-In a rare example of substance triumphing over perversion, "You Only Get What You Give" was seen as a clear cut over tawdry masturbation anthem "Turning Japanese."
(4) Haddaway - What Is Love 85
(13) Buster Poindexter - Hot Hot Hot 59
-If you thought "What Is Love" was not worthy of a first round win, slap yourself. Then watch "A Night At The Roxbury."
(6) Toni Basil - Mickey 73
(11) Billy Ray Cyrus - Achy Breaky Heart 66
-"Mickey" gets the win over a fiesty 11 seed for two reasons. Steve was unfamiliar with Achy Breaky Heart and I wasn't bouncing a song with my name in it in the first round. It's guys like me.
(3) Grover Washington Jr. - Just The Two of Us 48
(14) Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars 50
-In a controversial decision, we went with "Chasing Cars." This was considered by both of us to be an all-around weak First Round matchup.
(7) Rednex - Cotton Eye Joe 79
(10) Fountain's of Wayne - Stacy's Mom 90
-Two males are making this list. No duh, we went with the ode to MILFs everywhere over the song that made girls instantly stop grinding you and commence line dancing back in High School.
(2) Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out 66
(15) Falco - Rock Me Amadeus 62
-This was a tough one. Then we remembered what Will Ferrell did with "Who Let The Dogs Out." It was all over.
THE JEFF PARLES REGION (ROUND OF 64) - YES, THIS DESERVES ALL CAPS. PARLES WAS ENDOWED WITH THE MOST WELL ORGANIZED REGION IN THE ENTIRE BRACKET. ENJOY.
(1) Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen 84
(16) The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name 59
-"That's Not My Name" wins the "Most Aggravating In Show" award. Therefore, they get curb stomped and Eileen moves on to Round Two.
(8) Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy 64
(9) Thomas Dolby - She Blinded Me With Science 65
-Razor thin margin between these two. "I'm Too Sexy" is possibly the greatest solo karaoke song of all time. But SCIENCE...
Randy Moller puts "She Blinded Me With Science" over the top.
(5) Tag Team - Whoomp There It Is 86
(12) Wild Cherry - Play That Funky Music 65
-Why this one was not even close can be explained in two words. Carson Cornelius.
(4) Chumbawumba - Tubthumping 78
(13) Deep Blue Something - Breakfast At Tiffany's 54
-Some decisions I need not explain. This is one of them.
(6) Sir-Mix-A-Lot - Baby Got Back 94
(11) Starland Vocal Band - Afternoon Delight 68
-"Afternoon Delight" made a great cameo in "Anchorman" and I would imagine that is the only thing that put them in this bracket. It doesn't beat the ass anthem to end all ass anthems. Not even close.
(3) Shop Boyz - Party Like A Rockstar 57
(14) Flobots - Handlebars 70
-I can't justify Shop Boyz being a 3 seed. I can't. Not with the genius in this region. That's weak. I'll give it to a smart "Handlebars" song that had a good video to boot.
(7) Marc Cohn - Walking In Memphis 79
(10) The Knack - My Sharona 84
-Tyler Greever called "Walking In Memphis" a "dark horse." Steve's mom went to High School with Marc Cohn. These two things weren't enough two knock off a song about rape. "My Sharona" is the safe bet here, because Lord knows it would be safe to walk in Memphis.
(2) Lou Bega - Mambo No. 5 68
(15) Eiffel 65 - Blue (Da Ba Dee) 69
-Where Jim Jones is Lehigh, Eiffel 65 is Norfolk State. I love, love, love Mambo No. 5. When Steve and I played these songs back to back, we were just feeling the infectious melody of "Blue." Two fifteens advance to the Round of 32.
ROUND OF 32
Foster Region
(1) Biz Markie - Just A Friend 82
(8) Semisonic - Closing Time 84
-Sometimes, it's just a matter of closing the deal. When you're in the friend zone, closing the deal is a foreign language. "Closing Time" gets the nod.
(12) Los Lonely Boys - Heaven 71
(4) Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock - It Takes Two 66
-Had I done this bracket alone, Len gets the nod in this game. Len didn't make it out of the first round, so The Los Lonely Boys are Los Caballo Nero.
(11) Darude - Sandstorm 63
(14) Ram Jame - Black Betty 86
-Did you seriously expect Sandstorm to make a deep run?
(10) Manfred Mann - Blinded By The Light 79
(15) Jim Jones - We Fly High 64
-Lehigh loses in the second round, because the 15 seed just can't stay hot. I'll take a classic cover over a song I could have sworn I've seen in a McDonald's commercial.
Florance Region
(1) Los del Rio - Macarena 71
(8) Europe - The Final Countdown 75
-This was a tough one. We went with "The Final Countdown" due to our love of arena jams. I can't blame you for going with either or.
(5) Tommy Tutone - Jenny 84
(13) Gary Numan - Cars 75
-This is a fair second round matchup. "Jenny" wins for having a personality that "Cars" just doesn't have.
(11) Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch 80
(3) Don McLean - American Pie 76
-This selection might receive some backlash. I make no apologies. It will take personality to make the Elite Eight. "The Bad Touch" has personality in spades as a straight faced delivery. The delivery keeps it from going over the top.
(7) Survivor - Eye of the Tiger 75
(2) Norman Greenbaum - Spirit In The Sky 61
-Again: Arena jams. In this case, it's not even close. It's the freaking eye of the tiger.
Greever Region
(1) Soft Cell - Tainted Love 85
(9) The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony 88
-This was actually a split decision. It was decided by a dice roll. "Bittersweet Symphony" was my choice and it's a victory for me because I personally would not have seeded all of this Classic Rock so high. I'll admit it's the presence of some of these songs, though, that makes this tournament well rounded.
(12) The Radicals - You Only Get What You Give 65
(4) Haddaway - What Is Love 63
-This one was a legitimate upset. The Radicals put out a catchy song and made an impressive run. What Is Love going down was Steve's call.
(6) Toni Basil - Mickey 94
(14) Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars 62
-This wasn't even a contest. "Chasing Cars" won arguably the all-around worst First Round matchup up and get blitzed in the Round of 32.
(10) Fountains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom 88
(2) Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out 79
-"Who Let The Dogs Out" was a very over the top song, so we gave this one to the MILF anthem.
Parles Region
(1) Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen 56
(9) Thomas Dolby - She Blinded Me With Science 54
-We almost gave this one to SCIENCE. But could you honestly have a tournament with no one seeds in the Sweet 16?
(5) Tag Team - Whoomp There It Is 68
(4) Chumbawumba - Tubthumping 69
-This is how highly I think of the Parles region. There is not a bad song in the Regional Quarterfinals. Each of the songs I have listed so far could easily have made the Sweet 16. Tubthumping wins on a buzzer beater and the anarchists storm the court.
SWEET SIXTEEN
Foster Semifinals
(8) Semisonic - Closing Time 73
(12) Los Lonely Boys - Heaven 64
-It's official, Reid got pinned with the weakest region. Closing Time wins by default.
(14) Ram Jam - Black Betty 68
(10) Manfred Mann - Blinded By The Light 56
-It's only fitting for "Black Betty" to be the dark horse. Manfred Mann did well with his cover. He has to go home now.
Florance Semifinals
(8) Europe - The Final Countdown 72
(5) Tommy Tutone - Jenny 71
-You could have gone either way with this matchup. I would imagine that "Jenny" wins this matchup six or seven times out of 10. This time around, "The Final Countdown" just seemed right.
(11) Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch 78
(7) Survivor - Eye of the Tiger 83
-"The Bad Touch" poses a surprising threat to "Eye of the Tiger." However, you Survivor finds a way to survive. The best teams in the tournament win on their off nights.
Greever Semifinals
(9) The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony 53
(12) New Radicals - You Only Get What You Give 47
-This matchup is catchy with a side of no personality. "Bittersweet Symphony" has more and will take it to the Elite Eight.
(6) Toni Basil - Mickey 75
(10) Fountains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom 68
-Fun Fact: The first girl I had a crush on in grade school was named "Stacy." I was 11. Nine years later, Steve and I gave "Mickey" the nod. I can finally get over it.
Parles Semifinals
(1) Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen 79
(4) Chumbawumba - Tubthumping 83
-Steve was hot on "Come On Eileen." That meant it would take a great song to beat it. "Tubthumping" has goofy in spades. It also has a message of anarchy behind it. The message was overshadowed by how montage-worthy it was.
(6) Sir-Mix-A-Lot - Baby Got Back 90
(10) The Knack - My Sharona 76
-We're going with consensual sex over rape in the Sweet 16. The buck stops here for The Knack's catchy bassline.
ELITE EIGHT
Foster Finals
(8) Semisonic - Closing Time 75
(14) Ram Jam - Black Betty 80
-A dark horse in the Final Four???? Ram Jam ran into Harry Chapin, Sandstorm, Manfred Mann and Semisonic. Damn, what an easy draw!
Florence Finals
(8) Europe - The Final Countdown 66
(7) Survivor - Eye of the Tiger 68
-Two very similar songs. "Eye of the Tiger" gets the edge for it's "Rocky III" fame.
Greever Finals
(9) The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony 82
(6) Toni Basil - Mickey 89
-Great tournament for the middle seeds. You might have to report me for my "Mickey" bias. It's guys like me. On a separate note, remember what I said about personality earlier. "Mickey" beats "Bittersweet Symphony" by making the game a track meet. The Verve could not keep up with Toni Basil and Basil goes to the Final Four.
Parles Finals
(4) Chumbawumba - Tubthumping 74
(6) Sir-Mix-A-Lot - Baby Got Back 73
-The now battle tested Chumbawumba has found a way to win in the clutch. They get knocked down and got back up again. Mix-A-Lot wasn't ever able to keep them down.
FINAL FOUR
(FOSTER #14) Ram Jam - Black Betty 74
(FLORANCE #7) Survivor - Eye of the Tiger 80
-Coming up just short in the final four, Ram Jam just can't keep up with Eye of the Tiger. Their lack of quality competition outweighed their confidence and the tried and true "Eye of the Tiger" clinches a spot in the finals.
(GREEVER #6) Toni Basil - Mickey 65
(PARLES #4) Chumbawumba - Tubthumping 90
-"Tubthumping" comes to Atlanta and absolutely wrecks "Mickey." Coming out of the hell that was the Parles Region, "Mickey" is no match for mighty Chumbawumba.
CHAMPIONSHIP
Survivor - Eye of the Tiger 64
Chumbawumba - Tubthumping 71
-Remember the 90's. The 90's is the decade that people my age (and anyone else within a decade older) brag about being kid. We went outside to play with our friends and we watched Nickelodeon. We played Nintendo 64. We remember boy bands being a major thing. We remember vividly when Eminem and South Park was out there corrupting our innocent minds. Hell, some of us lived for Beavis and Butthead and Nirvana. Michael Jordan was the best athlete. The Dream Team was a thing. Bill Clinton was the coolest president ever. Our parents lived the 70's and 80's and those decades might as well been the Stone Ages. We still look at the crass 2000-ers with disdain. We possessed a quirkiness never before seen with a dash of clever that the next generation won't quite understand. We were rebellious, yet grateful.
1997 defined my side of the 90's and a song like "Tubthumping" is representative of that side. So why not Chumbawumba?
If we're getting out of this recession, the world is never gonna keep us down.
Thanks for reading. Thanks to The Big Three KCOU and Ben Florance for drawing up one hell of a bracket. Thanks to Steve for putting his input in.
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